No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
