well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize