My hand turned me down
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
