I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
