Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
where am i from again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize