She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
