I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
