I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize