I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
