Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
