she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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