Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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