matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
