I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
