I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
