i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
