I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
