at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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