The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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