Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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