i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
