HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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