I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found puke in my bra..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
