I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize