I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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