Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
only you would photoshop your dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
