Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
