But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
