someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
