Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
