First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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