i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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