so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize