in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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