Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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