I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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