Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize