i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize