What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
