My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
