They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
