i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
as a side note pls kill me
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