I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
