You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
