i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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