you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
