I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize