theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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