I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
