Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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