Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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