You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
