Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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