he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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