Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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