He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
