just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
