I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
