i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
