does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
