the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do vagina's smell?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
