That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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