YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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