i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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