White coat. Heels.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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