I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
