I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
