I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
