the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
