i need an iv and a liver transplant
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
