ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
