New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
