dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
