I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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