But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
