I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
