I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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