he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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