i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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