I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
