I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize