Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want a musical about memes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
