Umm I'm too high to move.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
