i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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