I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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