I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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