My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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