well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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