U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
