You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
