it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
