We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
