So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
