I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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