I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
