you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize