Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
