didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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