Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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