dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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