why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
