thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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