So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
