:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
