You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i've created a new STD.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
