Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
