she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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