Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
